College Essay and Bio
Essay Writing ReflectionAllow room for breathing:
I think the biggest Issue I have in my writing is that I put too much down. I have run on sentences that last for miles and my writing is very dense (and not in the good way). For example in my essay I had a passage that read, “ My job was to document the makers behind these clothes, and to understand and tell their stories. I conducted interviews in Spanish and created a short documentary to share with buyers who purchase clothing from Sien and Co.” This sentence is very wordy and would communicate what I want much more efficiently if I was more concise. A goal for my writing is to use less words, while also maintaining the strength I want throughout my essay, more is less. Connect thoughts in a logical way: Within my writing I feel that I skip around between paragraphs to abruptly. I tend to lose my train of thought when I’m writing and just vomit words in no particular order. An example of this in my writing, during my college essay is this section, “ All of these experiences have come about from me simply pushing myself to be more, to learn more. Everything seems impenetrably still. The wear of my sliding feet is painfully noticeable as I summit the edge of the cliff, a screaming waterful moves swiftly down the steep slope directly to my left, and the sheer rocks that anchor me to the climb vibrate from the waters tension.” I need to learn how to connect ideas in a way that flows more cohesively. My goal is to incorporate story and other writing elements into my essay in a way that works and flow well. Let personality come through: A substantial issue I have in my writing is making it very serious, which it does’nt always need to be. I want to start to incorporate my voice more regularly in order to make my writing entertaining. I feel a place I did a good job of this is when I was describing an adventure I had in Spain, where I describe, “ The entire bus system had shut down, and in my stressed flurry I found myself in conversation with a charismatic Hungarian woman. After telling her of my distress she offered me a ride home. Although hesitant, I made my way to her car and to my surprise she was sympathetic to my situation as an exchange student. We shared funny cultural tendencies we didn’t understand and the drive concluded with me giving her in depth advice on her third marriage.” I feel that this section adds a comical light hearted feel that would immensely improve my essay if transferred throughout the entire essay. My goal is to lighten up a little and have fun with my writing. You can make something funny and professional, you don't need to choose. How did I grow within my college essay writing? I feel I grew within this essay revision process in terms of the way I learned how to really refine and rewrite my work. In the beginning it was really hard for me to except my work, and to continue with a draft. So in response to that inner conflict I ended up writing 7 drafts of my essay. One lines I enjoyed that I kept however was this, “ What if I had made the wrong choice, or what if I despise my teachers? I remember these thoughts running through my head, yet laugh at them now. If only I had known on that day what Animas would do for me, how the staff would inspire, how I would learn so much more than I ever felt possible.” I enjoy this part because it allows room for the reader to understand how the writer thinks and reflects, which is especially important when writing college essays. Although my organization feedback pushed me revise many times, I wish I had received more feedback along the lines of how to improve my actual storytelling. I received much critique on the format and organization of my paper, but not too much about the way I actually write. That feedback may just be in the next draft, but regardless it is necessary. These lines show how I grew as a writer through the process. I am proud of them because they are vivid and descriptive. “ The wear of my sliding feet is painfully noticeable as I summit the edge of the cliff, a screaming waterful moves swiftly down the steep slope directly to my left, and the sheer rocks that anchor me to the climb vibrate from the waters tension. I pull my tired body onto the summit and watch the scenery unfold as my eyes adjust to the glaring sun. Spread around me are the ruins of an ancient Inca village, the current residence are a herd of alpaca that graze among the decaying stone.” In order to make this growth happen I have had to really relax and allow for my voice and creativity to carry me through my writing in a more visual way. This is how I communicate as an artist and as a person. I allow imagery and story to let my point come across, yet I struggle to do this in my writing. In the future I want to relax my work while remaining professional, making it fun to read and let it show vivid imagery so that audiences sustain interest. |
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